Sara Burford’s life changed forever when her husband Richard went out for a run one day and never returned. Richard had died from sudden adult death syndrome, leaving Sara with one year old twin daughters and their two year old brother. Sara was being supported by Home-Start Teesside at the time, and when the police knocked at her door, her volunteer was the first person she called. Here’s Sara’s story in her own words.

“For such a long time I couldn’t bear to speak about what happened to us, about the moment that changed my family forever. But now I want to speak about it. In sharing my story, I'm sharing how important Home-Start is and how much Home-Start Teesside has helped me and my family.

“When our baby was three months old, I found out I was pregnant again – with twins! I was so worried about how I’d manage. Rich and I had always planned more children, just not this quickly! My health visitor referred me to Home-Start Teesside for support.

“I met Sue, my new volunteer. Sue was also a twin mum and her approach was lovely. It was extra special that someone understood what it was like having multiples. She met my twin daughters when they were just two weeks old. With a calm and reassuring presence, Sue fit right into our family offering a much needed extra pair of hands.

“As a volunteer, Sue gifted us some of the most vital yet often simple things such as a shower in peace and quiet, the ability to feed all children at the same time and opportunities for play that didn’t cost a fortune. She gave me the confidence to take the children to play outdoors, something I’d tend to avoid because I was outnumbered, but with Sue we’d go for walks, to the park and had picnics. It was wonderful.

“She showed us such love and kindness my children didn’t realise she wasn’t part of our original family, and my initial anxiety at inviting a stranger into my home had soon vanished. I loved that the support came with no agenda, it was flexible and led by me and the children.

I lost my husband when the twins were one but I knew exactly who to call

“The twins had not long turned one when we lost Rich. My immediate concern was for the children and a sheer panic for what I was supposed to do. I knew straightaway that Sue was who I needed in my time of crisis. As I had no family locally, Sue was able to come and look after the children until my Mum arrived, while I went to do all the awful paperwork.

“Having such young children meant I had to push my grief aside to be there for them. I didn’t have the time or energy to look after myself like I should have done. I remember the morning after Rich died, I took my son to playgroup as planned. I wanted him to have one last happy morning. While he played I tried to figure out how to tell him, afterwards I told him that daddy had died and wouldn’t be coming home. Grief is a hard thing for children to understand, and I asked if he knew what that meant, he just knew it was a sad thing.

“The twins, even though they were still young, also reacted to it. One of my daughter’s behaviour changed from that day, it was like she knew something was different in the house. She became very clingy and couldn’t bear to let go of me. That broke my heart. How do you deal with a grieving baby?

“I struggle to remember specifics around the time of the trauma due to the impact it had on my memory, but I do know Home-Start was there for me during some of the toughest moments of my life. Knowing Sue would be at our home every Wednesday morning was such a comfort. It sounds so simple, but it was huge to us.

"Home-Start extended our support and also gave me a second volunteer for a while, Wendy. She’d read stories to the children and show them love and affection. It bought a sense of normality to the children, and it gave me the space to go off and have a little cry.

Home-Start changed our lives

“Without them I don’t know how I would have coped. Home-Start changed my children’s lives for the better by gifting us this early support. I’m often complimented on how well my three have turned out, I did not do that alone. The kindness given by Home-Start and it’s volunteers helped give me strength and the children what they needed most, the opportunity to thrive, be happy and to know that there is a lot of good in our community.

“Today, the girls often feel sad and guilty that they can’t remember Daddy. I tell them how much he loved them, for the brief time he spent with them, he absolutely doted on them. I have to choose my moments about when we talk about him, as it can have a negative impact for days when they feel overwhelmed by it. My son says he can remember some little memories. He has the same interests and mannerisms as his dad which is great to see.

I wanted to give back

“I vowed early on that I would love to give back and volunteer for Home-Start Teesside as soon as I was able, which I have done by volunteering and working with families over the last few years. I can honestly say there is nothing I’d rather do with my spare time.

“Volunteering gave me so much. It helped me to find me, not a mum or a widow, but me. I learned a lot about myself. I learned that I could interact with different people and that my experiences have helped me to help others. It’s a lovely feeling to be invited in by families.

“When you start supporting a mum who is anxious and nervous, and you get to see her find her confidence, it’s so powerful. I now work for Home-Start Teesside providing direct support to families as a family support worker. A lot of families are isolated, a lot are struggling with issues beyond their control. It’s such an honour to be part of a charity that is there for them.”